You are always going to wonder if where you're going is going to be as good as where you have been..

Moving to California was never meant to be a permanent thing.. it was meant to be a time out, a re-group, a growing experience.. it was never meant to become home, it was never meant to become somewhere better than home. It was never meant to be where I want to be forever.

Here I sit on my living room floor. It is midnight and Christmas break.. I have had such an amazing break so far. I have loved seeing all of my friends, spending so much time with my family.. re kindling relationships, taking a break, being 100% comfortable and relaxing. But tonight was different I couldnt stay in one place. I went from 3 different friend groups and found excuses to leave each time. It became 11:30 and I was driving home feeling empty.. this couldn't be it could it?.. all of this hype for nothing? Where are all of those people I needed to fit in? Where are all of the friends that " Missed me so much?" Where are all the places that I missed so much, and day dreamed about? There was no one left to call, nobody who could make me feel better, I had a hard time accepting a reality I hoped wouldn't come so soon. Life has changed. People have moved on. Things are different. I am different. I have moved on..

 The Schmidts formally asked me to extend my contract for another year. Caren had always joked about me staying.. it was lightly talked about but they sat me down the night before I left to Utah and offered me the deal of a lifetime. I would work Monday-Wednesday from 7:30-9:00 and then again from 2:30-6:30 and still make the same amount of money I am making right now for 40 hours a week.. Have free rent/food, have a more permanent schedule so that I can go to school full time and still work. Logically this would be so smart. I would hardly work at all and still make a fortune, go to college 15 minutes away which is way cheaper than UVU by the way.. I love those kids more than anything and I have had the most amazing experience this far. But do I want to spend 2 years of my life doing this? Do I want to be away from home for 2 whole years? And if I do, do I want to stay in San Fran or go experience somewhere else? 

I have a lot of decision making to do and they are both so drastic that I am afraid I am going to regret either one. I need to weigh out the pros and cons, do my research, face the facts, and decide. 

It is funny how life never turns out the way you think it is going to.