A lot on my mind..

CAUTION
This post is mostly me venting.. I am not blogging to show off my awsome life and my perfect everything.. I am doing it as more of a journal for me to print off and have to look back on and when I look back on this post I will know exactly what I am talking about and exactly who hurt me. So just bare with me and this post of me rambling off about my thoughts.

i cannot decide on what I am feeling right now.. to the point of completely just shutting off.
My feelings right this moment
-Furious
-Regret
-Betrayed
-Confused
-Bugged
-Shocked
-Sad
-Upset
-Dissapointed
- Worried
I do not understand people sometimes.
I have come to realize trust is one of the biggest things in life.
If you can't trust someone..
how can you carry on a true relationship with someone if you cant trust them or if they can't trust you??
Obviously if you were just wanting to have an occasional fun time with a friendand just have a few laughs and move on then that is fine. But in this case. Seriously?
I wish some people would belive me
I wish some other people werent so twisted.
and I wish all people would think about things before they act.
To trust someone is a complicated thing.. But when they have done nothing to wrong you.. why wouldn't you?

Sometimes it just feels good to just let it out. To break down. To just cry and cry to the point where your head is numb and you r heart is skipping beats and you can not even breath out of your nose. Everyone needs a good cry every now and then.
But once you are done crying.. whats next? You either get up and get over it. Or you could dwell on it. Or just fix it.
Right now my options are to; fix it or to just get over it and leave it and them behind and just move on.. dwelling on it/him/her are not going to help me. How can someone be so cold hearted? To say things that you should never say straight to a person.. things that would break my heart in half instantly. I just do not understand.

Have you ever felt so helpless? Like you can't control what other people assume of you and when they don't belive you.. But you know you are right? And there is usually nothing you can do to prove it. Well thats where the whole trust thing comes in.. but I guess they just can' comprehend that someone may actually care about them and that I am truley here for them and I do not know what else I can do. I guess I just have to let it be and leave it at that.


I love her but how can we be friends if she would put someone who treats me like that. before me? It just will not work. This sucks. It sucks bad. But somethings in life are not in my control and I just have to make sure I am doing the right thing and leave it at that.