When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

 All through out growing up I was so blessed with having so many friends have the same standards as me. I always had somebody to go to church with. As I got older, it got harder to go. And then I stopped going. The year that I stopped going was one of the worst years of my life. And I came to find out how truly important it was to keep the Gospel in my life. For a lot of reasons, but mostly for my self. Now that it has happened it is a fear of mine to go back down that slippery slope. Right before I moved out here I had the two most amazing examples in my life. Maddie and Kylee. They helped me get back on my two feet. Start going to church again, getting involved in my ward, and starting the repentance process and I will forever be so thankful for them. But then moving out here so quickly and having to drive 45 minutes into the city and go to church by myself was pretty challenging for me. I'll admit I wasn't perfect at it. I would sometime skip and stay in and watch movies. But I forced my self to go enough until I started making friends. A girl in my ward approached me after relief society one day and we have been friends ever since. We are both nannies over in Marin (across the bridge) so we would drive into the city together every Sunday for church and every Monday for FHE. There were good days and tough days sometimes after a 60 hour work week, a 5 hour excursion into the city for church didn't sound too appealing. But having her there saying "Pick ya up at 12!" helped me get my bum to church. And it has benefited me in so many ways. She is a convert and would sometimes struggle with some of the things our church believes in. Or other different things. I would try to answer her questions the best I could and be there for her, But long story short she has recently told me that she will not becoming to the Mormon church anymore. Of course I support her in anything she wants to do. She is one of my best friends. But it is hard for me to see someone I care about give up on the most amazing thing in my life. 

  A lot of my other close friends out here aren't very interested in going every time I invite them, or they are flaky. I also have other close friends who have recently told me they aren't really feeling the church anymore. That they need to find out for themselves or that they just don't want to go. It makes me so sad. Right now, none of the people I talk to on a day to day basis have that strong testimony that my friends had before I left home. I can't just get into a deep spiritual talk with any of them. I can't tell them things I have been feeling or praying about. And that has been hard. I have friends in my ward but a lot are in the city. So tomorrow I will be going to church alone.. again. Which is scary. And I feel like I have earned my place outside of the awkward new person! But I know that this is what I need to be doing for myself, for my happiness. There is a reason I go to church every Sunday. There is a reason why that is important. And I need to make sure I remember. Just because my friends are taking the easy way out. Aren't going anymore. Don't care to practice religion. That's totally fine. If that's what makes them happiest good for them! But when I am making that decision whether or not to set my alarm Saturday night for church the next morning, I need to remember why I am doing the things I am doing. and to not let any others decisions effect my own.

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. - Franklin D. Roosevelt