If only you could see my draft box right now.. I swear my intentions of being a better blogger are good. I have been on a never ending emotional roller coaster lately! One second I will be so sad and fed up and just blah and then I will cry it out. talk it out. Run it out. whatever the cure for the day is and then I will be completely over it. So I have 1 or 9 half written emotional blog posts that are just chillin in my draft box.. which now looking back is probably a good thing. And I think I will just let them remain there! (you're welcome)
Whats the latest and greatest? Well.. I am slowly approaching hitting a year mark since I came out here. Which seriously blows my mind. The decision whether I should stay or if I should go has been made.. with a tiny bit of doubt in the back of my mind. I feel like I am going to have my official meeting with the family and when they say " Soo are you leaving us? Or staying here forever?" I am going to be like: "Leaving.. I mean staying.. crap I mean sorry I just want to go home.. I mean shoot I can't leave you guys! uhh.. give me some more time??" Being here has been the hardest/easiest thing I have ever done at the same time. Hardest being, I got freaking home sick. I have never felt more alone in my entire life. I had to work harder than I ever have to accomplish all that I wanted to accomplish. Miserable being away from everyone and everything I love. Easiest being, I literally live at my job.. so setting my alarm ten minutes before I have to be to work is freaking awesome. Nannying def has its perks.. like watching netflix while babies nap and going to the beach and getting paid for it.. Putting in a 50 hour work week can fly by with some days at the Discovery museum and laying out with Tori while the kids run around and play, and snuggling reading books and doing puzzles for hours on hours. Compare that to a job at your local Taco Bell and I hit the jack pot.. Having a solid pay check every single week with no taxes is very comforting. Falling in love with these kids was easier than I ever thought. I knew I would get close to them.. but never thought I would be this close.
But I just feel like it is time to start building up my life again. I love Utah and I want to live there the rest of my life. I have no interest in dating a boy out here. I want to live in Utah close to my family and friends! I want to date boys with the same standards as me.. I want that comfort of having so many members around. With a happy neighborhood where you become good friends with them. I am still so young and I want to feel young again! I want to come home at 4 in the morning and be able to just go on spontaneous car rides with my friends! I am ready to socialize with people I know are going to be in my life long term. I am ready to be the best aunt to my cute little Chloe and to be able to be there for people when they need someone!
I know that no situation is going to be perfect.. and I have to be happy wherever I am, or whatever I am doing. There are always ups and downs, and I am sure there will be days where I am glad I made the decision I did, and there will also be days where I will wish I made a different decision.. but sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches and deal with what life hands you. Here is to more ups than downs in the future!
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